One Talented Mouth
by Rockstar with a Vendetta
Summary: One-Shot. Set during Page. Well, the testosterone had to catch up with her sometime. When Kel innocently displays a questionable talent for tying cherry stems in a knot with her tongue, vulgar allusions abound. Of course, she has her champions.


**Silly boys. :P**

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"Why is it always cherry pie?" Merric grumbled as he slid in next to Seaver. He wore a distinctly moody expression on his face. "I hate cherry pie. I thought we were having blueberry today."

"We did," Neal said, scraping what looked suspiciously like the remnants of said blueberry pie off his plate with his fork. "But you were late, remember? By the time you got here, there was only cherry."

"And nobody thought to save me a slice?" the redhead boy demanded, looking around in outrage at the table's other occupants. "Some friends you are!"

"We thought you'd be back before then," Kel said apologetically, eyeing Cleon reproachfully as he polished off his last bite of pie with an exaggerated flourish.

A sulking Merric picked at his cherry pie, pushing it around on his plate while he watched Esmond tactlessly tuck into his particularly large slice of blueberry pie. Kel felt sorry for him; she would have split hers with him if she hadn't already eaten all of it. She didn't even bother to try to bully one of her friends into sharing. Boys just didn't share pie. Perhaps Esmond sensed her debate, because he hunched protectively over his dessert. She slumped, sighing. Merric looked pitifully forlorn.

"Where were you, anyway?" she asked.

"Duke Gareth made me run an errand," he said grumpily. "If I had known I had friends like these, I wouldn't have done it."

"Cheer up, Hollyrose," Cleon said, shamelessly patting his stomach. "We'll have blueberry pie again." He rose with his tray and silverware. "I'll be right back."

"Sure, on the next blue moon. Gods, the pie's practically still frozen." Merric stabbed at his pie with his fork. He withdrew it and made a face. "Gross," he said, plucking a cherry off his fork prongs. "It still has a stem." He flicked it away from him so that it tumbled sadly down the table.

"Don't be bitter just because you didn't get your blueberry pie," Neal admonished, assuming an oddly prim, squawking voice that sounded suspiciously like Kel's crabby grandmama of Seabeth and Seajen. "It's not becoming of a knight-in-training."

"Oh, shut up, Queenscove," Merric said irritably. "I wouldn't eat that, Kel, it might be poi—what are you doing?"

Kel, deciding that something was needed to take his mind off his loss, popped the cherry in her mouth and rolled it around, twisting the stem with her tongue. The boys' attention was on her now, completely, as they watched her mobile mouth with a kind of disgusted interest.

"You fuss about my vegetables," Neal said, a little blankly, "and yet here you are, the mistress of etiquette herself, playing with your food? I say, the palace is quite the little hodgepodge of hypocrisy."

A moment later, Kel spit the cherry out in the palm of her hand. The step was tied in a perfect knot. Faleron's jaw dropped.

"How in Mithros' name did you learn to do that?" Faleron asked, astounded.

The others simply stared at the cherry. Even Neal, a seemingly endless well of opinions and irrelevant facts, could do nothing but gape.

"This must be the quietest this table's ever been," Cleon said blithely, reclaiming his seat. "Owen, I left my gloves in my room, so do me a favor and go fetch them, will you?" He looked pleasantly around, saw that no one was paying attention to him, and frowned, turning his attention to what held them so captivated.

"Charming," he commented, picking it up in total ignorance of where it had been just seconds before. "My hands are too big to tie it in a knot. I'd just squash it, I think."

"Kel," Seaver began, and then stopped, as though he couldn't say another word.

"It's not that big a deal," Kel told them, rather taken aback by their dramatic reply. "A lot of people can tie cherries in a knot like that, really."

Cleon looked surprise. "Well, sure. Anyone with small hands can tie a knot in a cherry stem."

He took one of her hands and held it up, as though to prove a point, but then blinked a couple times. Her hands were strong, long, and muscular, not the kind of hands that Cleon claimed could tie little things in knots.

"She didn't tie a knot with her hands, you great buffoon," Neal finally snapped, throwing his own hands up in exasperation. "She tied one with her _tongue_."

"Her _what_?" the big redead exclaimed, dropping her hand in surprise. Kel discreetly hid it under the table in case he decided to grab it again. "How is _that_ possible?"

"A lot of people can do it," Kel repeated, exasperated. "I learned from my friend Cricket in the Yamani Islands."

Faleron cleared his throat and, remarkably, blushed. "Ah…yes, well, you might not want to go around showing that to everybody, mind you…some might get the wrong—_idea_, if you get my meaning."

"What?" Kel asked, a little confused.

"I don't know," Cleon said slowly, scratching his nose. A grin was spreading across his face. "A talented mouth like that should be shared with everyone…"

"That's _crude_," Neal snipped, offended. "By Mithros, whatever happened to _chivalry_?"

"Look on the bright side," Merric told Kel. His face was suspiciously sly. "You'll never have to worry about marriage."

"Yeah," Cleon continued, "that mouth will catch you whoever you want."

Both redheaded boys crumpled in laughter.

"If you're going to make perverted allusions, children," Neal said loftily, his cheeks pink, "at least make them _funny_."

"It _was_ funny," Merric protested.

"It was pathetic," Neal corrected.

Kel was beginning to understand the gist of Merric and Cleon's snide comments.

"Immaturity must be a redhead thing," Seaver sighed.

"Come off it, Tasride, we all know you're going to lock your door tonight and think about Kel and the cherry stem—"

"_Hollyrose_!" Neal cried, outraged, in response to both Kel's dazed expression and Seaver's obvious shock. "Why don't you stop acting like despotic tavern scum and close your mouth about all this?"

"This isn't really going as I planned," Kel said to no one.

They ignored her.

"I'm not picking on Kel," Cleon was explaining to Neal, who looked intensely displeased. "I was just saying that other talents could be used to catch a man—"

"Are you saying that Kel doesn't have what it takes to catch a man?" Faleron frowned.

"Of course not—" Cleon began.

"Why do you think Kel even wants a man?" Owen demanded peevishly.

"Yeah, she might want a woman," Merric cracked.

"That was lame," Faleron informed him kindly.

"This is ridiculous," Cleon muttered.

"Quite right," Neal said, "and you started it." He began gathering his silverware in his tray. "Come along, Kel. Us _mature_ academics should go and study for the mathematics exam tomorrow."

"Oh, stop acting so mighty, Queenscove," Cleon said, but quietly.

Kel followed Neal out the door of the mess hall, knowing that he really just wanted to talk to her. Once out in the corridor, he pulled her aside.

"Look, Kel," he began, but she shook her head.

"Neal," she said, "boys are boys. I don't need you championing me. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to try for my knighthood. It's not like I didn't know I was going to have to deal with silly stuff like this."

"Yes, well, I didn't want you to think we were all like that," Neal said, a little red. "People like me, and Seaver and Faleron, and even Owen are still chivalrous, even if scraps like Cleon and Merric start being cheeky about those kinds of things…but they're not really like that, not really."

"I know they're just funning," she reassured him.

Neal shrugged. "I know, but I don't want you to get a wrong impression or anything…Merric just likes being a part of things, and Cleon lets himself get carried away."

"I know," Kel repeated patiently. "You don't have to explain boys to me, Neal."

He patted her on the head in an irritating, patronizing gesture. "We'll see, my duck. We'll see."

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**Meh. The boys are kind of out of character, but I guess they have to be if I have to write about something barely covered in the books themselves. I just find it hard to believe that Kel didn't deal with boyish adolescent immaturity like this, even from these guys. I mean, they are twelve, thirteen, and there aren't that many boys made of rosy cheeks and angel wings that are that old. Just my opinion. Please review!**


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